After 2 days of travel, I've made it to Zambia with no visa issues. PTL!
Please keep praying as I get into a routine here. Pray that God's leading and truth are loud and clear. Pray that His truth drowns out all fears and doubts.
Praise Him for safe travels with sweet people on the planes (more on this later). Praise Him for the opportunity to love and be loved on. Praise Him for using us to do His will. Praise Him for His mercy, favor, and grace.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
God's mysterious plan
Hey friends!
Just wanted to let you all know that I'm not going to Zambia.
Well, at least not today. Secretly, I wanted to brag on the incredible God that we have.
Essentially, I've spent the past 3 days moping, asking God for a way out. I was stressed out with all of the little things going on Zambia wise (BA strike, visa stuff, flying internationally solo, etc). It's pretty much been a wrestling match of wills this week; I'd ask God to give me a way out, and He'd ask me whose will I wanted done. Eish.
Begrudgingly, I went to the airport this evening, still asking God for some way out. I was overwhelmed with unknowns. We got up to the check out line just before the rush. In the middle of checking in, I received a text from Orbitz that told me my flight from GR to Chicago was canceled. Moments later, the woman who was helping me check in confirmed this. I turned to my mom with a smile on my face and said, "Flight canceled? Ok, let's go home."
But here's the cool part. This summer, my brother is also going to Rwanda. Originally, I thought he was leaving at the end of June; I found out yesterday that he's actually flying out on Friday. We pretty much had the exact same flight, but his was two days later.
So as we're at the check in desk and the woman, Nancy, informed us that the soonest I would be able to fly out would be tomorrow; I turned to my mom and asked if I could fly out Friday with Phil instead. I whipped out my phone; by the time I got a hold of him, Nancy had his flight information up. She switched my first flight to match his, then informed me that she couldn't change the next flight because it was through a different airline. As she said this, the computer started automatically changing my flights to tomorrow, switching my flight to London so that I flew the same airline as my brother. Nancy said, "Well, it the robot can do it, so can I" then switched my flight to match my brother's all the way from GR to London. Thus, I'm not longer flying solo until I get to Joburg, and I can handle the Joburg airport on my own. :-) But it gets better. I had (and still have) an 8 hour layover in London that I wasn't exactly looking forward to. My brother, who spent a semester studying in Ireland and knows Europe well, told me to venture out in the city instead of boring myself in the airport. I listened politely as he told me of the places that I should visit, but knew I wouldn't leave the airport; it simply wouldn't be smart or safe for me to venture out on my own. Now that I'm flying with him and he also has an 8 hour layover in London, we can explore the city together. Bonus brother time! I'm a fan. Tehe.
AND I no longer am flying British Airways from London to Joburg, which means the only place that I could get stuck is Joburg, which I'd be ok with. Tehe.
Plus, this gives an extra two days for my visa to come in (which I'm praying it does).
PLUS! So, originally I was going to be in Zambia for 32 days; the visa that I'd get would last 30 days, meaning I'd have to go through the process of renewing it for those last 2 days. Now, I'm only in Zambia for 30 days exactly, which means no need for an extension. Thank You Jesus!
Yeah, I'd say God's got a pretty good plan going on. :-)
Plus, it's been a sweet (though incredibly difficult) lesson on faith. So many times I've wanted to walk away, but God kept me going. I'm excited to see what He has in store for my future. :-)
AND I am FINALLY, FULLY excited to be in Zambia. I can't wait to hold those little ones close to me and fall in love with each and every one of them. Oh yeah, it's gonna hurt like no other when I have to leave, but that's the price of love. And quite frankly, it's worth it (I learned that in Haiti). If I can impact one of these little one's for the better, it's worth the heartache of leaving them.
So essentially, God is good. Always! Tehe.
Just wanted to let you all know that I'm not going to Zambia.
Well, at least not today. Secretly, I wanted to brag on the incredible God that we have.
Essentially, I've spent the past 3 days moping, asking God for a way out. I was stressed out with all of the little things going on Zambia wise (BA strike, visa stuff, flying internationally solo, etc). It's pretty much been a wrestling match of wills this week; I'd ask God to give me a way out, and He'd ask me whose will I wanted done. Eish.
Begrudgingly, I went to the airport this evening, still asking God for some way out. I was overwhelmed with unknowns. We got up to the check out line just before the rush. In the middle of checking in, I received a text from Orbitz that told me my flight from GR to Chicago was canceled. Moments later, the woman who was helping me check in confirmed this. I turned to my mom with a smile on my face and said, "Flight canceled? Ok, let's go home."
But here's the cool part. This summer, my brother is also going to Rwanda. Originally, I thought he was leaving at the end of June; I found out yesterday that he's actually flying out on Friday. We pretty much had the exact same flight, but his was two days later.
So as we're at the check in desk and the woman, Nancy, informed us that the soonest I would be able to fly out would be tomorrow; I turned to my mom and asked if I could fly out Friday with Phil instead. I whipped out my phone; by the time I got a hold of him, Nancy had his flight information up. She switched my first flight to match his, then informed me that she couldn't change the next flight because it was through a different airline. As she said this, the computer started automatically changing my flights to tomorrow, switching my flight to London so that I flew the same airline as my brother. Nancy said, "Well, it the robot can do it, so can I" then switched my flight to match my brother's all the way from GR to London. Thus, I'm not longer flying solo until I get to Joburg, and I can handle the Joburg airport on my own. :-) But it gets better. I had (and still have) an 8 hour layover in London that I wasn't exactly looking forward to. My brother, who spent a semester studying in Ireland and knows Europe well, told me to venture out in the city instead of boring myself in the airport. I listened politely as he told me of the places that I should visit, but knew I wouldn't leave the airport; it simply wouldn't be smart or safe for me to venture out on my own. Now that I'm flying with him and he also has an 8 hour layover in London, we can explore the city together. Bonus brother time! I'm a fan. Tehe.
AND I no longer am flying British Airways from London to Joburg, which means the only place that I could get stuck is Joburg, which I'd be ok with. Tehe.
Plus, this gives an extra two days for my visa to come in (which I'm praying it does).
PLUS! So, originally I was going to be in Zambia for 32 days; the visa that I'd get would last 30 days, meaning I'd have to go through the process of renewing it for those last 2 days. Now, I'm only in Zambia for 30 days exactly, which means no need for an extension. Thank You Jesus!
Yeah, I'd say God's got a pretty good plan going on. :-)
Plus, it's been a sweet (though incredibly difficult) lesson on faith. So many times I've wanted to walk away, but God kept me going. I'm excited to see what He has in store for my future. :-)
AND I am FINALLY, FULLY excited to be in Zambia. I can't wait to hold those little ones close to me and fall in love with each and every one of them. Oh yeah, it's gonna hurt like no other when I have to leave, but that's the price of love. And quite frankly, it's worth it (I learned that in Haiti). If I can impact one of these little one's for the better, it's worth the heartache of leaving them.
So essentially, God is good. Always! Tehe.
Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:1. 16-18
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Zambia
Reasons not to go to Zambia:
-British Airways strike
- Visa isn't sorted
-Flying alone internationally
-I "should" (my plan) be in SA instead
-Missing out on family time
-Missing out on time with friends
-Risky
-It's only a month
-I'm going to fall in love with these kids, then have to leave them
-It doesn't seem worth it
-I could use that time to prepare for the rest of the summer/next year
-I could use that time to rest
-It jam packs my summer
-I'm scared
-I flat out don't want to
Reasons to go to Zambia:
-God said go
Not my will, but Yours be done.
-British Airways strike
- Visa isn't sorted
-Flying alone internationally
-I "should" (my plan) be in SA instead
-Missing out on family time
-Missing out on time with friends
-Risky
-It's only a month
-I'm going to fall in love with these kids, then have to leave them
-It doesn't seem worth it
-I could use that time to prepare for the rest of the summer/next year
-I could use that time to rest
-It jam packs my summer
-I'm scared
-I flat out don't want to
Reasons to go to Zambia:
-God said go
Not my will, but Yours be done.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
British Airways
Hey friends!
Pray please. Apparently British Airways, the carrier that's to bring me from England to South Africa then to Zambia, is planning to begin a 15 day strike starting Monday if some breakthrough doesn't occur. This leaves it up in the air (and in God's hands) as to how I'm going to get from the States to Zambia. Pray for a breakthrough. Pray that God's will is done. Pray that He makes a way when there seems to be no way.
More info here
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Let Us Pray
Hey friends,
Please pray for me as I prepare to leave for Zambia in 10 days. During this past week, spiritual warfare is intense and tiring. Pray that God continues to provide me with faith and strength. Pray that He prepares me to do His will.
Where You lead me, LORD
Psalm 69:13
But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.
Psalm 86:6
Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.
James 5:13-16
Please pray for me as I prepare to leave for Zambia in 10 days. During this past week, spiritual warfare is intense and tiring. Pray that God continues to provide me with faith and strength. Pray that He prepares me to do His will.
Where You lead me, LORD
Psalm 69:13
But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.
Psalm 86:6
Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.
James 5:13-16
The Prayer of Faith
13Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.Thursday, May 13, 2010
Red Letters
Let the quotes continue. These are from Tom Davis
In essence, we limit our range of motion. We can't reach far enough to offer compassion because our arms are too busy holding all that we own. If, on the other hand, we recognize that what we have is a gift, then we can extend reach. We discover that we can use a portion of our gift to improve someone else's life, maybe even to save someone else's life.
[Jesus] made other men and women's sufferings his own sufferings. We're to follow in His footsteps.
I have a dream too, that God's justice will rule and reign over all of thi green earth. I have a dream of a world where no one has to live in extreme poverty, where slavery isn't in the hearts of people, where there is no such word as orphan. I have a dream that God's people will wake up and recognize who they truly are in Christ- people God can use to set the captive free.
When we see the world through God's eyes, we see a different picture than when we look only through our own eyes.
We are the first generation that can look extreme and stupid poverty in the eye, look across the water to Africa and elsewhere and say this and mean it: we have the cash, we have the drugs, we have the science- but do we have the will? Do we have this will to make poverty history?
How do you want to be remembered?
In essence, we limit our range of motion. We can't reach far enough to offer compassion because our arms are too busy holding all that we own. If, on the other hand, we recognize that what we have is a gift, then we can extend reach. We discover that we can use a portion of our gift to improve someone else's life, maybe even to save someone else's life.
[Jesus] made other men and women's sufferings his own sufferings. We're to follow in His footsteps.
I have a dream too, that God's justice will rule and reign over all of thi green earth. I have a dream of a world where no one has to live in extreme poverty, where slavery isn't in the hearts of people, where there is no such word as orphan. I have a dream that God's people will wake up and recognize who they truly are in Christ- people God can use to set the captive free.
When we see the world through God's eyes, we see a different picture than when we look only through our own eyes.
We are the first generation that can look extreme and stupid poverty in the eye, look across the water to Africa and elsewhere and say this and mean it: we have the cash, we have the drugs, we have the science- but do we have the will? Do we have this will to make poverty history?
How do you want to be remembered?
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
the furious longing of God
Apparently I'm on a book quoting kick. Eh, happens. Here are a few of my favs from Brennan Manning's book
I am my beloved's, and His desire is for me. Song of Solomon 7:10
God is sheer Being-in-Love and there was never a time when God was not love. The foundation of the furious longing of God is the Father who is the originaing Lover, the Son who is the full self-expression of that Love, and the Spirit who is the original and inexhaustible activity of the Love, drawing the created universe into itself.
The Gospel can be summed up by saying that it is the tremendous, tender, compassionate, gentle, extraordinary, explosive, revolutionary revelation of Christ's love. (Catherine de Hueck Doherty)
Until we learn to live peacefully with what Andre Louf calls "our amazing degree of weakness", until we learn to live gracefully with what Alan Jones calls "pur own extreme psychic fraility," until we let the Christ who consorted with hookers and crooks to be our truth, the false, fraudulent self motivated by cowardice and fear will continue to distance us from abiding restful union.
In contrast to the domesticated, feel-good Jesus of TV evangelism, who is committed to our financial prosperity, the Christ of John's gospel who has made His home in us invites us to walk with Him daily in humble service even unto death.
The wild, unrestricted love of God is not simply an inspiring idea. When it imposes itself on mind and heart with the stark reality of ontological truth, it determines why and at what time you get up in the morning, how you pass your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, and who you hang with; it affects what breaks your heart, what amazes you, and what makes your heart happy.
In human beings, love is a quailty, a high-prized virtue; in God, love is His identity.
In the presence of the king, don't ask for small gifts.
When the imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived his, then there are many ways and forms in which a man can be a Christian. (Henri Nouwen)
When the night is bad and my nerves are shattered and the waves break over the sides, Infinity speaks. God Almight shares through His Son the depth of His feeligns for me, His love flashes into my soul, and I am overtaken by mystery. These are moments of kairos- the decisive inbreak of God's fury into my personal life's story.
I am my beloved's, and His desire is for me. Song of Solomon 7:10
God is sheer Being-in-Love and there was never a time when God was not love. The foundation of the furious longing of God is the Father who is the originaing Lover, the Son who is the full self-expression of that Love, and the Spirit who is the original and inexhaustible activity of the Love, drawing the created universe into itself.
The Gospel can be summed up by saying that it is the tremendous, tender, compassionate, gentle, extraordinary, explosive, revolutionary revelation of Christ's love. (Catherine de Hueck Doherty)
Until we learn to live peacefully with what Andre Louf calls "our amazing degree of weakness", until we learn to live gracefully with what Alan Jones calls "pur own extreme psychic fraility," until we let the Christ who consorted with hookers and crooks to be our truth, the false, fraudulent self motivated by cowardice and fear will continue to distance us from abiding restful union.
In contrast to the domesticated, feel-good Jesus of TV evangelism, who is committed to our financial prosperity, the Christ of John's gospel who has made His home in us invites us to walk with Him daily in humble service even unto death.
The wild, unrestricted love of God is not simply an inspiring idea. When it imposes itself on mind and heart with the stark reality of ontological truth, it determines why and at what time you get up in the morning, how you pass your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, and who you hang with; it affects what breaks your heart, what amazes you, and what makes your heart happy.
In human beings, love is a quailty, a high-prized virtue; in God, love is His identity.
In the presence of the king, don't ask for small gifts.
When the imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived his, then there are many ways and forms in which a man can be a Christian. (Henri Nouwen)
When the night is bad and my nerves are shattered and the waves break over the sides, Infinity speaks. God Almight shares through His Son the depth of His feeligns for me, His love flashes into my soul, and I am overtaken by mystery. These are moments of kairos- the decisive inbreak of God's fury into my personal life's story.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Confessions of a whiney child
I admit it: I don't want to go to Zambia. Or at least I didn't until recently.
Essentially, I've been fighting God every step of the way (which is never a good idea). Way back in December when the South Africa trip fell through, I began to run in the opposite direction of where God was leading (again, BAD IDEA. Didn't Jonah teach something about this?). I was so distraught about not being able to return to my SA family and loved ones that I wanted nothing to do with Africa. Honestly, I wanted to take a break from "missions" and live the life of a "normal" college student. God had other, bigger plans.
Zambia kept coming up in the most random ways. Eventually one night God plainly laid on my heart that Zambia is where I need to be this summer. Like a child, I begrudgingly agreed, more so because I knew it was the right thing to do, not because I actually wanted to do it.
Praise God that He is faithful! I am fully aware that nothing in this trip is my doing. I've hardly put any effort in raising prayer support or funds, but God has provided more than I need. I casually glanced at flights, and God provided my ticket. He's put together every detail of this endeavor, which is good, because if He hadn't I wouldn't be going.
Even with full confidence that this is what God wants for me, I continued to doubt. God provided everything that I needed outside of myself, so I began to doubt myself. I doubted that I would be able to serve adequately. Doubted that I had the strength or the skills. Doubted that I could make any sort of impact. Doubted that I had the energy for such an endeavor.
This school year has been incredible, but exhausting as the responsibilities continued to pile on. That pile only grew as I looked ahead to summer; realizing that as soon as exams are done my schedule is hijacked with another class, leaving for Zambia 3 days later, working at camp a week after, having two weeks to prepare RA stuff, then back into the pile of responsibilities at school. This picture was overwhelming; I longed for rest. Being sick and ridiculously busy these last few weeks has only added to this longing. I've been tempting on more than one occasion to take the month that I would be in Zambia simply to rest and pamper myself. I wanted to be excited, but something kept me from doing that.
Last week Tuesday was the end of the year banquet for Terra Firma (the freshmen group that I'm a leader for ). We had a dynamic speaker who really touched my heart. He spoke on the story of the Good Samaritan, but with a fresh perspective that I had never considered. Most of the time when we consider this familiar story, we label the priest as some sort of monster, some heartless man absorbed in himself. The speaker challenged this view, stating that the priest was no monster, but quite similar to us. He did his church duty, worked hard not to break the ten commandments, and lived a life that appeared to be pretty pure. The speaker listed reasons as to why the priest walked on by. These two stuck out to me:
"The priest was walking from Jericho to Jerusalem. He was going somewhere. He was on a mission, and perhaps He was simply too busy to help the man." Ouch! With the words "too busy", God pulled at my heart. This was my fault. I had fallen into the trap of busyness. I was too consumed with the tasks that lay ahead of me to rest in the assurance that God is bigger than our humanness. Time and time again He has provided me with strength and energy when I've had none. God is bigger than my humanity.
There's more to this issue than just rest, however. I know that I have a tendency to overschedule and overcommit myself, and I know that rest is important. However, I was seeking more than rest; I was seeking comfort. Why is it that, being overwhelmed by my summer plans, the first thing that I considered dropping was the thing that God has clearly ordained? Why not forgo this class, or camp, or RA prep? The reason is because those things offer comfort and security. By taking this class, I have the security of graduating on time. Camp is the place on this earth that I'm most comfortable at. And taking those few weeks before school starts to prep for RA stuff gives me the security and comfort (and control) of being prepared for the school year. Yet again, I need to surrender my plans for God's plans; I need to trust that His plans are greater than mine, and that He will enable me to do what He has called me to do. Where you lead me, LORD, I will follow.
The other thing that the speaker at the banquet said that hit home was "perhaps the priest was afraid to get dirty. Touching a dead man, which the beaten man may have appeared to be, would leave the priest unclean and unable to fulfill his priesly duties in the temple. In order to help this man, he would have had to get down on hands and knees and scoop the man close to his body; inevitably the man's blood and dirt would transfer to the priest." Deep down, I'm afraid of getting dirty. I'm afraid of dealing head on with the heartache of my kiddos in Zambia. Already my heart aches for them; I can't imagine how I will feel once I see them face to face, once I hold them close to me, listening to their heartbeat in rhythm with my own. I know that I will be overwhelmed with grief for them. I don't know about you, but grief and heartache are not my favorite experiences.
But this is where God's heart is. Jesus cared for the orphan, widow, diseased, hungry, naked, dying. He calls us to do the same. In church on Sunday, the pastor said, "The Bible promises that God draws near to the broken hearted, so if we want to be close to God, we need to get close to those whose hearts are breaking. Truth. So those it's a seemingly crazy prayer, LORD break my heart for what breaks Yours. Open up my eyes to the terrors of this world that I may be compelled to attack them head on with Your love and justice. Where You lean me, LORD, I will follow.
Praise the LORD for His patience with this whiney child! Praise the LORD that He hasn't given up to me. Praise the LORD that He is bigger than I am. Praise the LORD that His plan prevails despite my doing. Praise the LORD for His goodness. Praise the LORD for His compassion for the least of these, for the broken hearted. Praise the LORD for His mercy and grace. Praise the LORD that He forgives me time and time again when I am consumed by selfishness and doubt. Praise the LORD for His goodness. Praise the LORD for His faithfulness; He never fails! Praise the LORD for His provision. Praise the LORD for His power and strength. What a mighty God we serve!
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