Amazing things happen when I realize how powerless I am and how powerful Christ is. Amazing things happen when I surrender my worries, joys, energy, and ambitions to Christ. Amazing things happen when, as cliche as it sounds, I let go and let God. Amazing things happen, my friends.
The theme of this year seems to be balance. When I engage in something, I like to do so whole-heartedly. This gets me into trouble when I try to pour my whole self into six different things.
Thus, I'm trying to refocus my eyes from the opportunities that surround me to my ultimate pursuit: Christ. Rather than pouring my energies into this or that, I want to be consumed by Him, giving Him my everything, trusting Him to guide me in His will.
As the opportunity to go to Zambia arose early this winter, I struggled to pour the same amount of energy into this trip that I had into going to South Africa. I assumed that this showed some fault in my spirit, that I somehow wasn't as committed or excited. I wanted to pursue God's leading in this, but was exhausted trying to add this to an already full plate.
Eventually, I gave up. Not in going to Zambia, but in having it consume me. As I thought about it, I realized something about last year. Though at CU physically, I wasn't fully here. My thoughts, focus, and much of my time was devoted to preparing for South Africa. Weekends were spent fundraising and in Vox meetings. Conversations and prayers were filled with thoughts of South Africa. This trip almost became my identity; I'd introduce myself as, "Hi, I'm Sharon. I'm going to South Africa". Sure, I still engaged in classes and friendships, and working, but even these had SA in the background: working to raise money, relationships shaped around my leaving and last months here, and adjusting my class schedule to fit my SA schedule.
I simply couldn't do that this year. I'm too invested in being here to simply drop everything. I have my TFers that I want to impact, classes that challenge me and prepare me for future goals, a job that offers life experience, and treasured friendships that I want to invest in for life. Already filling overwhelmed, I didn't know how to add complete investment to Zambia to the mix.
So I gave it up. I said, "God, you've called me to this. And you've lead me to the rest of my responsibilities as well. LORD, I can't do it all. I can't handle all of this. So I surrender Zambia to you. You are big enough to make this happen regardless of my effort. You don't need my help. Do the impossible, LORD. You are big enough".
And here's the coolest part: as soon as I stopped worrying about all of the details of Zambia, I felt God show up. Within days, I was filled with a peace that surpasses understanding as the confidence that God would make a way filled me. Simutaneously, checks became to come in and, slow but sure, my funds are being taken care of. Oh the sweet surrender of giving my all, every last bit, not to some pursuit of this world but to Christ alone!
I wish I could say that I've mastered this goal, but I'm far from it, my friends. I'm still praying to learn to surrender everything to God and to pursue Him in all that I do. I'm trying to make HIM, not serving Him or doing good things but HIM, my sole pursuit. I'm trying to surrender all other pursuits (like Zambia, friendships, RA) to Him, trusting that He will lead and guide me, trusting that His will for my life is good and will lead me through these lesser things.
Please pray that I learn to fully surrender my everything to Christ.
