This crazy thing called love

So, God continues to wap me upside the head with His love. Here's a few verses that He's laid on my heart.

1 John 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Song of Solomon 7:10
I am my Beloved's,
His desire is for me

Romans 8:37-39
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^a]">[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Crazy thoughts about Crazy Love

A few of my favorite quotes from Francis Chan's Crazy Love.

Having faith often mean doing what others see as crazy. Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers.

Do you give to those who cannot repay you? To those who would do you harm, if they could? To those who have already done you harm? This is Christ's love. He gave us something for which we can never repay Him, and then He asks us to keep giving like He gives.

The love for equals is a human thing- of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing- the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world. The love for the more fortuante is a rare thing- to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the love for the enemy- love for one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world.

People who are obsessed with Jesus do not consider service a burden. Obsessed people take joy in loving God by loving His people.

God desires true intimacy with each of us, and that comes only when we trust Him enough to be fully tranparent and vulnerable.

My Friends May You Grow In Grace

Every Sunday night, my school ends evensong with a benediction, asking God to grow our community in grace and in the knowledge of of LORD and Savior that we may glorify Him.

After coming back from South Africa, I got crazy excited when we first sung this song (my TFers can attest to this), even giggling with joy and anticipation.

Over the months that I've been stateside, this glee continues. How privileged am I live in a community surrounded by fellow believers who encourage and challenge me? How privileged am I to be able to take the hand of my friend and lift it up to God? How privileged am I to be able to encourage and challenge them? How privileged am I to be able to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our LORD and savior surrounded a body of people doing the same? How privileged am I to be able to glorify my God?

My friends may you grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our LORD and savior.
My friends may you grow in grace, and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ.
To God be the glory now and forever! Now and forever amen


To God be the glory, now and forever! Now and forever amen

Home

I have quite possibly the worse sense of direction ever!
Case in point: This afternoon it took me a good 45 minutes to get from downtown back to school (which is like 10 minutes away). Granted, construction blocked my usual route, but still. Add to this the fact that I had a GPS (thanks Laura), and really, I'm excuseless.

Despite my seemingly aimless wandering trying to find CU, God had a plan. Despite the different routes that I took, I kept coming back to this same corner. Among the bright buildings and busy streets sat five homeless folk, taking turns displaying their plea on a cardboard sign. Each time I drove by, my heart broke a little more for them. It's been breaking for a few weeks now, as I drive out of church past cardboard signs that cover the faces and stories of God's beloved children, broken by this crazy world.

In South Africa, this scene was completely normal. There were beggers on every corner. It became routine to pack some extra fruit or a few jungle bars to pass out to the regulars that we passed each day on the way to Reigerpark. But this isn't Africa. This is America. This is GR. This is home. That same heartache, vulnerability, and loneliness exists right here, right in my backyard.

LORD, You're breaking my heart for this, but what do you want me to do about it? What can I do, Papa? Where You lead me, LORD, I will follow. Lead and guide me for Your name sake.

Blessed are those who mourn

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

I've been studying the Sermon on the Mount lately, specifically the beatitudes. I've been told that the Sermon on the Mount is Christ's instructions for Christians, so I really wanted to grasp Christ's words here, wanted to fully apply them to my life. Thus, I've been making them my prayer each morning.

The first part of this passage states, "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven." Surprisingly, this was fairly easy to pray. God's been humbling me like crazy lately (which has been hard, but crazy rewarding and another post entirely); I have at least a basic understanding of what it means to be poor in spirit. Then I began to pray the next verse: Papa, teach me to mourn for... hold up! Teach me to mourn? What kind of crazy person asks for that? What kind of person wants to be sad and depressed? Certainly not me!

Then I read the second part of the verse: for they will be comforted. Huh. Just a basic sentence, yet so profound.

When we mourn, we invite God in to comfort us, to wrap us in His loving arms and hold us close. We invite God to be intimate with us. We allow Him to work in our lives in ways that He can't when life is fine and dandy.

When I reflect on all of the times that I've felt closest to God, most of them have been during or right after times of conflict and trial. It's in these times that I learned that I can only make it on His strength, learned the depth of my need for Him. It's in these times that His love is most evident in my life. It's in these times that He whispers His truth into my ear. It's in these times that I grow.

One of my biggest fears in going to Zambia is having my heart broken. I know that I'm going to be exposed to a deeper level of poverty, disease, brokenness, and death than ever before. I know that I'm going to fall in love with these little ones the moment my eyes fall on them. I know that I'm going to weep for them, to long for a life free of worries for this precious children. Already I yearn for them to know the careful days of childhood, praying that God will give it to them despite their circumstances.
More so, I know that my heart will break when I have to leave. God's wired me in such a way that I instantly fall in love with the children that I work with. The hardest part of South Africa was leaving my noonies. I'm not one to cry regularly, but when I said goodbye to each of my little ones, I couldn't control my weeping. I wanted nothing more but to stay with them, to encourage them and love them, to show them the potential that God has given them. I want the same for my kiddos in Zambia.

Though it's harder than words can say, I'm thankful that God is breaking my heart for what breaks His. I'm thankful that He is aligning my desires with His, that He is shaping my heart to confirm to His own heart. I'm thankful that He breaks my heart for these precious little ones that I may be compelled by compassion to serve them.

Papa, teach me to mourn that I may be comforted by You and spread Your comfort throughout our world.

Completely Done

Click here to hear this song

What reason have I to doubt
Why would I dwell in fear
When all I have known is grace
My future in Christ is clear

My sins have been paid in full
There's no condemnation here
I live in the good of this
My Father has brought me near
I'm leaving my fears behind me now

Chorus
The old is gone, the new has come
What You complete is completely done
We're heirs with Christ, the victory won
What You complete is completely done

I don't know what lies ahead
What if I fail again (if?)
You are my confidence
You'll keep me to the end
I'm leaving my fears behind me now

(Josh Harris)

$7

I never cease to be amazed by God’s timing. Constantly He reassures me just as I’m about to give up hope.

This Zambia endeavor has been quite the adventure, and I haven’t even left the mitten yet. Tehe. As stated in previous posts, God simply keeps reassuring me of His plan in it.

Initially, I was really discouraged. I’d sent out support letters to many people who has supported me in the past, but received no response. I wrestled with trying to find time to invest in Zambia prep, but was too overwhelmed to add it to an already full plate. Thus, I told God that if He wanted this to happen, He’d have to make it happen because I couldn’t do it on my own strength.

Discouraged by the lack of support that I was receiving, I was ready to give up on the whole thing. In a prayer of telling God that I was throwing in the towel, I opened my mailbox to find a check for my trip. “My child, don’t give up. Trust my plan.”

A few weeks went by with no other responses to my support letters. Again, doubt set in. Seemingly out of the blue, a friend asked about how I had gotten involved in this whole Zambia endeavor. After I explained it to her, she told me that she truly believed God was leading me in this and wanted to support me. A few days later, she handed me a check of a large sum, especially for a college student. “My child, don’t limit who I will use in your life. Trust me.”

The more that I surrendered to God, the more support trickled in. “Trust Me, My child. Trust My plan for you.”

As I looked at plane tickets, my discouragement only grew. Because of the World Cup in South Africa, prices had sky rocketed. The cost of the ticket was more than I had originally planned to raise for the entire trip. . “Trust My plan.”

As I searched different websites scouring for the best deal, I was pleasantly surprised to find a ticket under two thousand dollars. Asking my mother’s advice as to if I should purchase it, she suggested that I first look at the surrounded dates to ensure the cheapest price. When I did, my excitement only grew. Were I to leave a day before or a day after, or return one day earlier or later, the price of the ticket would double! Some of the tickets were as much as 8 grand. What conformation! I bought the ticket, trusting that God would provide. “Trust Me, My child. My plan is greater that you can even imagine.”

The following weeks after buying my ticket, I again fell in to doubt (how foolish am I). I became so overwhelmed with all that I had to accomplish to finish up the school year and prepare for the summer and for next fall that I began playing with the idea of not going to Zambia. Temptations of less responsibility and more free time sounded extremely appealing; it would make life so much easier, so much more secure. “Trust Me, My child. You can do all things through My strength.”

It’s ironic to me how strong my doubts became after purchasing my ticket. Ironic because, really, after buying the ticket there’s no turning back. Not to go would mean to through 2 grand down the toilet, which isn’t going to happen. Funny how God times things. J

Initially I was really encouraged by the support that I was receiving. Over the last few days, I realize how much further I have to go. Yes, there’s a lot of money to raise, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually I’m not at all prepared. I really have no idea what I’m getting myself into. I am completely inadequate to do this. “More of Me, less of you. Trust Me, My child. I’ve got this covered. I am the Great Provider. What can stand against Me?”

As I opened my mail box again, I was surprised to yet again find an envelope there. My own handwriting on the front indicated that it was from one of the people that I had sent a support letter to. When I opened it, I was surprised to simply find seven dollars. No note, no indication as to who this was from, simply a few dollar bills. “See My child, I’m supporting you through people that you’re not even aware of. Trust Me.”

I’m trying, LORD. Forgive me for my doubts. Forgive me for having such little faith. Increase my faith, Papa. You are bigger than I can ever imagine. NOTHING is impossible for you. I can do ALL THINGS through YOUR STRENGTH. Strengthen me, Papa. I need You. I am nothing without You. I need Thee every hour. Lead and guide me for Your name sake. In You alone I put my trust.