Saul

Over the past few days, I've been reading about the life of Saul as recorded in 1st Samuel. Initially, Saul wasn't one to stand out in a crowd. He is a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, whose clan is the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin. (1 Samuel 9:21). One day, he's out looking for some missing donkeys when God sends Samuel along to tell Saul that the LORD has chosen him as king of Israel. The LORD empowers Saul, making him into a completely different person (1 Samuel 10:6). And how does Saul respond? When Samuel makes the public announcement of Saul's kingship, Saul hides (1 Samuel 10:22). When his son defeats the Philisgines, Saul takes the credit (1 Sam 13 and 14). When the LORD rescues the Isralites from their enemies, Saul again takes the credit, evn as far as setting up a monument in his own honor (1 Sam 15:12). 1 Samuel 15:34 records: "And the LORD was grieved that he had made Saul king over Israel."

Now, I don't know about you, but that's not something that I want to be known for. I never want to grieve the LORD. I pray that He gives me the humility to follow in the plan that He has prepared for me, the humility to always remember that He is the source of my strength and success.

Where You lead for YOUR glory, LORD

Everything

He's at it again. Due to certain events earlier in this week, God's once again been wrestling with my heart, once again demanding that I give my full devotion to Him, once again pursuing me to have Him be my sole (and soul) desire.

Recently, it's been a wrestling match as to where my security rests, who I cling to when my world comes crashing down, who I run to when life overwhelms. I'm learning fast that I can't put this ensurance in friends, family, mentors, pastors, organizations, Africa, church. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus Christ. He alone will never abandon me. He alone is faithful. He alone is my hiding place.

LORD, teach me to make You my everything.

A fan of God's grand plan

My senior year of high school, I had no desire to go to college. All that I wanted to do was love on kids in Africa; what school would teach me that? Thankfully, I had some wise youth leaders who urged to take advange of the opportunity to go to college that sat before me.

As I shared this and my experience of college thus far with my RD yesterday in our one-on-one, and she pointed out to me that in my surrendering and obedience to God, He has given me the desires of my heart.

Yeah, we serve a pretty cool God. :-)

Where You lead...

True to Your Heart

Once upon a time when I was in forth or fifth grade, I did a gymnastics routine to the song "True to Your Heart" from the Disney movie Mulan, which has little to do with what I'm about to share.

With the new responsibilites of being and RA, I've fallen into an old trap and found myself being tempted to fit the role that I think others what me to fulfill. Yet again, pride jumped in, and with it the insecurities of not measuring up. I struggled to try to mime each of the women in my section/my fellow RAs in hopes that I would gain some sort of approval.

By Wednesday night, I was sick of the charade. God had put me in this position for a reason; my pretending to be something that I'm not was impeding God's purpose. Thus, I threw off these shananigans and determined to be real. And here's the cool part: my women loved it! They laughed as I shared my awkwardness of freshman year, grinned as I shared with them the things that God has taught me throughout my college career, teared up a bit as I shared with them the potential that I already see in them, and gleemed with enthusiasm as we headed outside to toe paint. What a blessing!

God's being teaching me the importance of being true to myself. Moreso, it's been teaching me the importance of being true to who He's created me to be. He's giving me gifts and passions that His will might be done in my life. He hasn't created me that I would strive to gain the strengths of another, but that I would embrace His will for my life and the talents that He's given me to accomplish that will so I can bring glory to His name. I'm confident that God will use the personality, resources, skills, education, gifts, heart, and mind that He's given me to accomplish things greater than I can even imagine or dream of. And I can't wait!


Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Gal. 1:10

We're losing the fight

So, over the past month or so I've been fighting what feels like a losing battle with pride. For reasons unknown to me, I've become self-consumed, obsessed with other's opions of me, obsessed with being better than those around me. Today I grew so tired of this that I fled to a secluded place where nothing would distract me from a much needed conversation with my Papa. After much prayer and questioning, I struggled to listen to His response. I wrestled through the reality that I was seeking man's approval rather than God's, that I wasn't content with His opinion of me but needed to find approval elsewhere as well. After straining past my own egotistical thoughts, I heard God whisper

"If i were all that you had, would it be enough?"