Human again

The servants turned household items in Beauty and the Beast sing of their desires to be human again.  Lumiere, Mrs. Pots, Cogsworth, and the others declare joy at the thought of being human again: of cooking again, falling in love, going on holiday, and simply taking pride in their human form.  They long because they remember; they know full well what their human state was long before the curse came upon their castle, know full well what they were created to be.

At times, I envy them.  No, I don't long to be a broom or clock or candlestick.  I envy their knowledge of what they were created to be.  You see, I too long to be human again, long to be the creature that God once created me to, long to be who I was before the curse came upon this castle that we call earth.  I long to know the fullness of that humanity; I want to know what it's like to have my will perfectly align with God's will, to walk with Him, to know no sickness, pain, or death.  I long for a world that perfectly glorifies its Maker. I long to be human again. And I rejoice because, like those in the Beast's castle, I know that the day where I get to experience humanity in its fullness is close at hand.  We thank God for that!  We praise Him for His perfect plan of redemption.  We thank Him for His promise to restore us that we may be human again.  

Striving 2.0

Long before I found my love of running, I found my love for exploring.  As a child, it was normal to find me venturing through the neighboring woods, seeking new discovers.  Now when I run, I usually have a destination or goal in mind; when I ran through the beautiful landscape of the Half, I didn't stop to smell the roses; even during my casual run this morning I didn't take time to venture through the trees.  The goals of my endeavor have changed.  And while their is a joy and goodness in the vigor of a good run, there's also a loss.  As I push myself to travel further, I miss the details of the gentle beauty of God's creation around me.

As I attended the funeral of a beautiful young girl this afternoon, I was reminded that this is often true of life.  As I grow older and embrace adulthood, my goals have changed.  Instead of the childhood goals of daily play, my eyes are fixed on the realities of being a responsible adult and the things I must take on to accomplish my dreams.  I rush through life striving for the prize that lies just ahead.  And while their is good and joy in this, there is also a loss.  You see, sometimes I become so enthralled with my own plans, my own hope for the future, that I miss the beauty of the life God has for me now.  While I notice a glimpse of it in passing, I don't see the intricate beauty of the things that He's given me today.  To do that, I must make the conscious choice to stop and pray, asking my Papa what He has for me today.  Asking Him to continue to fill my head with dreams greater than I could ever image, yet give me the wisdom in knowing what I must pursue today.  Asking Him to give me the wisdom to prepare for tomorrow as well as to fully embrace the gifts and  opportunities His given me today.  Asking Him to teach me to surrender all to Him, to let go of my to-do list that He may reign fully in my life.

To God be the glory, now and forever!

First Things First

Beautiful Things

Striving

I find it ironic that I began this post over a month ago and, given the busyness of my life, am just returning to it now.  =)

A wise friend of mine once said, "Sharon, you burnout regularly.  More so, you don't see this as a problem."

Yup, I'm one of those people who plans for 36 hour days and wonder why I run out of time at the end of the day, one of those people who likes to take on the world, one of those people who struggles to say no or wait to things.  And like my friend said, this striving causes me to burnout often.  She pointed out the vicious cycle, hey: I go go go until I drop from exhaustion (often quite literally), hate all of my responsibilities and want to quit everything for a little bit, neglect my commitments for a bit, then vow to take on a more balanced life only finding myself saying yes to everything.  I can be perseverant and stubborn and determined and dependable to get things done.  I have a passion for life and am goal driven.  And while these things in and of themselves are not bad, I've discovered that they become harmful when done out of a lack of trust in God.

Yes, that's what I've discovered that my striving really boils down to: a lack of trust in God.  God has given me big and beautiful dreams for my life, dreams I can't wait to take hold of!  And in my impatience, I've neglected God's timing.  More so, I've doubted His timing.  Rather than enjoy the gifts of the journey that He has for me today, I gluttonously want it all at once.  I try to sprint the marathon.

Additionally, I fail to trust Him.  I fear that if I don't take matters into my own hands and ensure that they happen- if I don't schedule my classes to ensure that I graduate next year, if I don't work to ensure that I can provide for myself, if I don't pursue ten opportunities now, if I don't invest in a multitude of relationships- then I will loose these things.  Rather than trust God to provide for myself, I try to do it on my own.

And I fail.  Miserably I fail.  Rather than gaining all that I've sought, I end up with only exhaustion and illness. I end up with losses.  I end up with disappointment and frustration.  I end feeling defeated.

And as I recover from yet another burn out, slowly I'm reminded of that precious word: surrender.  Slowly I embrace the truth that God's ways are better than mine, that He knows better than I.  Slowly I learn to let go.  Slowly I learn to slow down.

Instead of striving, I'm learning to pray: God, what is your will for this day?  What are Your goals and dreams for my life?  What do You have for me?  I'm learning to trust, learning to embrace grace.  Yes, I still have the big, beautiful dreams that God's given me, yet now I'm learning to seek His timing for these dreams. Learning that it's okay if I have to continue schooling longer than I'd hoped, learning that I can trust Him with my relationships,  learning to say no to what God doesn't have for me and wait to that which He has said not yet, learning that I can trust Him to provide exactly what I need, learning to immerse myself in His grace and patience, learning that His way is beautiful.  I praise Him for that!

The Need For Speed

The other day while I was driving, I looked down at my odometer and discovered that I was traveling ten miles over the speed limit.  Feeling slightly convicted yet still feeling hurried, I reduced by speed by five miles.  "There", I thought, "That's better.  At least I'm not going over the speed limit by quite so much." Driving along and glancing down once more at the odometer, I again felt convicted.  Though I'd slowed my speed, I was still technically breaking the law.  As the conviction continued, I slowed my speed to that listed on the road signs.  As I continued my drive, I wrestled with obeying my conscious to adhere to the law and with my desire to get to my destination quicker, wrestled with being obedient and wanting to do things my way.  I wanted to justify my actions: everyone else is passing me, those who have taught me to drive informed me that speeding was acceptable as long as I didn't exceed five miles over, five or ten miles over really isn't that big of a deal, surely getting to my destination on time is more important than staying under a certain speed, etc etc.  

I feel like this is our response to sin in general.  We justify it; we look at what the culture tells us is acceptable rather than what God has taught us; we push the line, though just a little.  We prioritize our agenda over what God has commanded.  And so we begin the slow progression into sin, at first only exceeding it by five miles, then ten, until suddenly we find ourselves racing out of control, the thing we once drove now driving us.

Steak

Sitting in class the other day, my professor commented on the relationship between sin and being in the presence of God.  Essentially, he stated that the more and more we experience God's presence, the less and less appeal sin has until it eventually becomes repulsive to us.  He liked it to putting a steak, a food considered a delicacy by many, in front of a vegan.  The vegan is simply disgusted/appalled by the meat in front of him or her.

Being a vegetarian for a good chunk of my life, the analogy was not lost on me.  Even his mention of steak brought a scowl to my face, proving his point.  Realizing how disgusted I felt simply by the thought of eating this meat, I asked myself why I didn't feel that same repulsion toward sin.  Why don't I feel sickened by the thought of disobeying God?  Why don't I flee from the very thought of turning from His way?  Why do I embrace such a abhorrent act?

Father, forgive me for forfeiting Your plan for my pleasure.  Forgive me for not trusting You.  Forgive me for arrogantly believing my way is better than Yours.  Teach me to obey completely.  Where You lead, I will follow.

Planning

Literally the day after Tuck and I got engaged, people started asking about wedding plans.  Despite peer pressure, we took a week to simply enjoy being engaged, and since have jumped right into planning our big day.  =)

While I'm not terribly concerned with a lot of the little details, I do care about the who that's involved in our wedding.  As we've agreed on who will be involved, I've taken some time to write each of them a note formally asking them to be a part of our big day.  And as we planned for people and I wrote these notes, I realized something:

God's plans are perfect (and I'm stinking blessed!).  While life hasn't always been kittens and rainbows, God's been there every step of the way.  When I faced difficult times, He has provided me with the exact people that I needed.  When certain people in my life disappointed me, God provided others to fill in the gaps, assuring that I always had exactly what I need.  I am incredibly blessed!  Praise God for that!

LORD, as You lead me on this crazy journey of marriage, I will follow You.  Papa, I pray that You would lead Tucker and I as we plan our wedding and our lives together.  May You be glorified in all that we do.