God is good
All the time

Sweet Surrender

Amazing things happen when I realize how powerless I am and how powerful Christ is. Amazing things happen when I surrender my worries, joys, energy, and ambitions to Christ. Amazing things happen when, as cliche as it sounds, I let go and let God. Amazing things happen, my friends.

The theme of this year seems to be balance. When I engage in something, I like to do so whole-heartedly. This gets me into trouble when I try to pour my whole self into six different things.

Thus, I'm trying to refocus my eyes from the opportunities that surround me to my ultimate pursuit: Christ. Rather than pouring my energies into this or that, I want to be consumed by Him, giving Him my everything, trusting Him to guide me in His will.

As the opportunity to go to Zambia arose early this winter, I struggled to pour the same amount of energy into this trip that I had into going to South Africa. I assumed that this showed some fault in my spirit, that I somehow wasn't as committed or excited. I wanted to pursue God's leading in this, but was exhausted trying to add this to an already full plate.

Eventually, I gave up. Not in going to Zambia, but in having it consume me. As I thought about it, I realized something about last year. Though at CU physically, I wasn't fully here. My thoughts, focus, and much of my time was devoted to preparing for South Africa. Weekends were spent fundraising and in Vox meetings. Conversations and prayers were filled with thoughts of South Africa. This trip almost became my identity; I'd introduce myself as, "Hi, I'm Sharon. I'm going to South Africa". Sure, I still engaged in classes and friendships, and working, but even these had SA in the background: working to raise money, relationships shaped around my leaving and last months here, and adjusting my class schedule to fit my SA schedule.

I simply couldn't do that this year. I'm too invested in being here to simply drop everything. I have my TFers that I want to impact, classes that challenge me and prepare me for future goals, a job that offers life experience, and treasured friendships that I want to invest in for life. Already filling overwhelmed, I didn't know how to add complete investment to Zambia to the mix.

So I gave it up. I said, "God, you've called me to this. And you've lead me to the rest of my responsibilities as well. LORD, I can't do it all. I can't handle all of this. So I surrender Zambia to you. You are big enough to make this happen regardless of my effort. You don't need my help. Do the impossible, LORD. You are big enough".

And here's the coolest part: as soon as I stopped worrying about all of the details of Zambia, I felt God show up. Within days, I was filled with a peace that surpasses understanding as the confidence that God would make a way filled me. Simutaneously, checks became to come in and, slow but sure, my funds are being taken care of. Oh the sweet surrender of giving my all, every last bit, not to some pursuit of this world but to Christ alone!

I wish I could say that I've mastered this goal, but I'm far from it, my friends. I'm still praying to learn to surrender everything to God and to pursue Him in all that I do. I'm trying to make HIM, not serving Him or doing good things but HIM, my sole pursuit. I'm trying to surrender all other pursuits (like Zambia, friendships, RA) to Him, trusting that He will lead and guide me, trusting that His will for my life is good and will lead me through these lesser things.

Please pray that I learn to fully surrender my everything to Christ.

More of you, LORD, less of me

Haiti

Please keep praying for Haiti!

In Haiti's slums, gang leaders who escaped from prison in January's earthquake are sparking a bloody power struggle that the UN fears could destabilise the country.

UN troops are boosting operations in Port-au-Prince after 5,000 prisoners escaped from jail on January 12, as fears grow that the convicts are swelling the ranks of the country's once-powerful gangs and seeking top positions.

"My understanding is that they are trying to reorganise themselves, trying to establish a kind of kingdom for themselves inside the slums," UN force commander Floriano Peixoto told AFP.

"To establish that, they need to fight with each other. This is what we don't want," he said.

Already, there are UN reports that in the city's worst slums, former prisoners have caused a surge in violence and upset the status quo. The chaos wrought by the quake has also made access to weapons easier.

Some gang leaders have gone into hiding, others have been shot or hacked to death.

Just five years ago, Haiti's gangs, some politically-linked, controlled swathes of the capital, were responsible for innumerable murders and made kidnapping endemic.

Robert Perito of the US Institute of Peace warned in a recent report that the gangs could best the Haitian police and UN forces when the United States withdraws its 10,000-plus troops from the country, if reinforcements are not brought in.

Before the quake, the gangs had been all but wiped out thanks to a UN offensive that took effect by 2007.

Peixoto wants to make sure that progress is not rolled-back. He will soon get 900 more Brazilian troops to work roadblocks, increase patrols and be a visible deterrent to the gangs.

"The strategy is to deter, to tell them 'do not show up, because if I see you, I catch you'," he said.

One place that gang members do show up is Port-au-Prince's most notorious slum, Cite Soleil.

In the heart of the slum's sprawling mass of shanties is Strong Point 16, a heavily fortified UN military compound that is home to around 120 troops.

Night patrols take place every two hours in this sector.

A gang called Boston has been increasingly active since the quake, and is blamed for murders, thefts, drug-running, rapes and protection rackets in the area.

A couple of days ago, according to the UN patrol commander, shots were fired near his troops, causing backup to be called in and security procedures to be stepped up.

For the UN, the area is now terrain for armoured tanks.

Much of the recent violence is thought to be linked to a power struggle between rival leaders Toutouba and adversaries Gro Pouchon, Ti Blan and Bazou.

The three members of the latter alliance have been seen armed in broad daylight and locals believe a hit is being planned.

Although Peixoto admits he does not know what these gang leaders and others who escaped from prison are up to exactly, he said the general aim is clear.

"I don't know what they want to do, the only thing that I know is that they try to establish areas, impose their presence, to establish controls."

"My intent is not to give them any kind of freedom to act," he said.

© 2010 AFP

http://news.smh.com.au/breaking-news-world/haiti-quake-unleashes-gang-turf-wars-20100216-o3a1.html

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Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
1 John 3:18-19

Tuna Sandwiches

Have you ever had those moments in which a theme seems to develop in your day? Those moments in which God's trying to teach you something that takes a few tries for you to finally understand it? For me, that moment was yesterday.

My faith was rocked last semester when the SA team and Kenya trip had gone flat. I replayed the semester time and time again, trying to see where I strayed from God's plan, and thus why my plan failed. After endless scrutinizing, I couldn't find what I was searching for. Sure, there were numerous times in which I had to surrender these trips to God, but not until the week that both were canceled did I feel God directing me not to go. In hindsight, I don't think that I strayed from God's plan along the way or that He suddenly decided to change it. I think that this is what God was planning from the start; for reasons that I may never understand, God intended me to dive into this endeavors heart and soul without actually going on the trips.

This led to some intense wrestling. Did I still want to pursue God's plan if this would be the result? Was His plan for my life still good? Was He still good?

In my heart of hearts, I knew that the answer to all of these questions is yes, but my faith was still unsteady. LORD, I would follow where you lead, but not with the same enthusiasm and effort that I had before. I would follow God, but quietly to avoid getting my hopes to high and to avoid further embarrassment from pursing something that wouldn't happen (silly pride getting in the way again).

Which brings us to yesterday and God speaking to my heart despite its hardness. Yesterday morning, my three year old Sunday school class learned about the following passage. When the exact same passage was talked about in Evensong, I paid a bit closer attention.

Mark 6:32-44

³²So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. ³³But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. ³⁴When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.

³⁵By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. "This is a remote place," they said, "and it's already very late. ³⁶Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat."

³⁷But he answered, "You give them something to eat."
They said to him, "That would take eight months of a man's wages^e]">[e]! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?"

³⁸"How many loaves do you have?" he asked. "Go and see."
When they found out, they said, "Five—and two fish."

³⁹Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. ⁴⁰So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties. ⁴¹Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to set before the people. He also divided the two fish among them all. ⁴²They all ate and were satisfied, ⁴³and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish. ⁴⁴The number of the men who had eaten was five thousand.

In December, I really feel God leading me to Zambia. By that I mean I was almost asleep and I heard in my heart, "Sharon, go to Zambia." Surprisingly, I had mixed feelings about it. God, is this really what you want? I decided I would open,but this obedience was extremely different than my obedience to go to South Africa. Rather than being filled with excitement and enthusiasm, I grudgingly obeyed like a young child who obeys his parents to avoid repercussions. It wasn't that I wanted to obey, but that was what I was supposed to do.

Two years ago, everyone who knew me knew that I was going to South Africa. With Zambia, some of my closest friends didn't even know. Quite the difference, hey. I just couldn't force myself to be as excited. What if I poured my heart into this too and then become disappointed once again? Though I was pursing Zambia, I was doing so half-heartedly. Fear was stopping me from fully trusting God. What if I didn't go? Would I be able to raise the funds on my own? Would people really give to me and pray for me when I wasn't going through an organization?

Last night at Evensong as those words were being read, God tugged on my heart.
"Sharon, what do you have? What small thing do you have to give me?"
"Not much, LORD."
"Give it to me, my child. Trust me with your little bit. Trust my provision to multiple it in ways greater than you could ever imagine. Your time, finances, love, heart, life. Trust them to Me, My child, and I will use you in ways greater than you could ever imagine. Let My love flow through you in ways you've never imagined."
Instantly I was filled with peace. My God is big enough to provide for all of my needs. God will provide for me all that I need to fulfill His plan; I needn't fret the details. I'm seeking to trust God fully; sink or swim, I'm diving into this crazy plan of His.

You can lead me, just not there

Growing up in church, I've heard countless sermons on the price of following Christ, including giving up your plans for His will.

When this was preached, it often focused on the American dream: having a nice, secure job with a nice, secure paycheck and a nice home in a safe and secure neighborhood with nice schools for your nice children who you are raising lovingly with your nice spouse with whom you own nice cars and nice stuff save for a nice retirement, all the while experiencing nice health in your life of comfort and security.. Christ called us to live quite a different lifestyle.

I never minded these sermons, never felt a twinge as they were spoken. You see, most of the above has no appeal to me. The deeper that I interact with my peers, the more that I realize that I am not your typical American college students (after all, I do like mornings, tehe). I don't want the secure job in the safe neighborhood with the perfect family that never experiences conflict. I want to experience life to the fullest and serve Christ with all that I am. I want my family to grow deeper in relationship through conflict and trial. I want to live in an environment that forces me to trust God for my daily needs and forces me to seek Him in all situations. I want to go where other people won't.

I've been back 7 months now, and I still haven't adjusted. It's much harder living in the security of CU's campus and in the routine of classes and school than it was to live in crazy Joburg in constant hero mode with Cynergy. Falling back into this lifestyle or into the lifestyle above has zero appeal to me, so when it's preached in church to leave these comforts behind and go out in the world I ask, "How soon can I leave?"

God's really been challenging me on this lately. I've always envisioned following God as doing something that the world would deem crazy. I'm more than ready to jump in with both feet to serve in South Africa or Zambia or Sudan or Haiti or the like.

As I try to figure out what God's will for my life is, He brought this question to my heart: "Sharon, what would be too much for Me to ask of you? I know that you are fully ready to leave your family and friends and dive into some grand adventure, but what if what i have planned for you is quite different? What if My plan is for you to stay? What if My plan for you was to work on the relationships that you struggle with most here? What if My plan was solely that you take care of yourself and grow in My truth? Would it be enough? Would you still follow me? What could be thrown in your path that would cause you to turn away?"

Eish! Those are incredibly tough questions. Giving up your dream for God's plan doesn't mean giving up the American dream or what the people around you say that you should be dreaming; it means giving up YOUR dream, giving up MY dream. Would I be satisfied if life here with a "comfy" job was what God had planned for me? Would I be satisfied if His grand call on my life was to take care of my family? Is there anything that that could turn me away from following where God leads, anything that would cause me to say, "Enough is enough!"?

Where you lead me, LORD, I will follow.