Pain

Pain is a topic that I've been wrestling with lately as well. As people, we tend to run from pain.  We tend to fear pain.  We find ways to distract ourselves when we feel uncomfortable: we flee the situation, thought, or emotion. We numb, deny, devalue, or distract away our pain.  But pain has a purpose.  The pain in my foot tells me that something is wrong, that something needs to be attended to.  If I choose to ignore the pain and run anyway, I could end up seriously injuring myself.  Without acknowledging the pain, I can't give it the time and attention that it needs.  If I don't admit the hurt, I can't heal.  This doesn't mean that we're to dwell in our pain or seek out ways to hurt ourselves.  It simply means that we must take the time to acknowledge our pain and give it time and attention to heal that we may be healthy again and grow stronger from it.  Pain doesn't go away from ignoring it; pain continues until we deal with it.

I think another piece of pain is also accepting that it is a part of life.  I think part of the reason that we long for a pain-free life is because something deep in our souls tell us this is not how life is meant to be; this is not what we were created for.  And that piece of us is right!  God didn't create pain; pain is a result of sin in the world.  Yet praise God that He hasn't left us in hopeless brokenness!  He has promised a world of restoration, and not just for the future, but also for now!  Look at the beauty of the human body: when you get a scrap, you don't bleed infinitely; though God did not design one's body to experience pain and evil, He has graciously adapted it for healing; quickly white blood cells respond to the scrap and a new layer of skin is created to heal the body.  And so God also heals our hearts.  He graciously gives us the hope and peace of His perfect plan.  Though in this world we will have trouble, we may take heart, for Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33).  We didn't fear or flee from pain, but rather accept it as a part of fallen creation knowing that God is greater than our pain.  There are times when are pain is too much for us, but it is never too much for God.  God is bigger than our pain.  He is our strength and source of healing.

Merry Christmas from the Who-le Crew!

Merry Christmas from the Who-le Crew!

Off to visit the Grinch in the Whoville 5k

3 puppies and a Robyn hanging out in Whoville

Da-da-da The GRINCH!

Tis the Season for Consumption

Black Friday has always been a tradition in my family.  For as long as I can remember, my mom and I would get up long before the sun to stand in lines.  Perhaps back in the day it was because we treasured a promised item worth the extra hassle, but throughout the years we've come to enjoy the routine of it: the stories of those who stand behind and before us, assisting strangers throughout the stores, speaking of family traditions and loved ones near and far.  As strange as it may seem, it become a fun way to connect with my mother as well as my community each year.

Yet this year felt different.  Truly, there were very few lines as we made our rounds; several of the stores had opened the day prior, leaving their aisles like ghost towns.  It returned to what most people see it to be: a day to engage in a plethora of shopping for knick-knacks and what's its.  And with such motivation, it quickly got old.

I think it felt different as well because my heart has changed.  In the past, I often become consumed by a good deal, buying way too much for my loved ones simply because I thought they'd like it and it was a good deal.  I've now become more cautious in my approach, buying for loved ones not everything that somehow relates to them but only what I know they will really appreciate and enjoy.

As I returned home for the day, I worked on Christmas gifts as the television played in the background.  Mind you, I haven't had television in years, so it was a bit of a culture shock as every commercial declared: shop shop shop!  After all, isn't that what the holidays are all about?

And that's when my stomach started to churn.  No, I have nothing against giving loved ones gifts: gift  giving is one of my favorite ways to express love!  Yet I feel like our culture has become obsessive.  We're overwhelmed with consumerism, with having more more more!  So much that the one day of the year that we're called to give thanks has been overwhelmed by buying more and more stuff.

And the dizzying effect of it has caused me to pause.  What really matters in this life?  What are the things that will make an eternal difference?  This season, as I reflect on all that God has given me, and His Son the greatest gift of all, how can I give not only material things but also of myself?  How can I love the least of these and outcasts in our community?  How can I love God by loving my brother?  How can I give and receive in a way that glorifies God?  How can you?

Lessons from 1st John: Truth teaching

Want to be popular?  Give the people what they want!  Tell everyone what they want to hear, and they'll love you!  That seems to be the message of our culture today.  But it isn't biblical.

Too often in our society, we've become afraid to call sin sin for fear of pushing away people from God or for being seen as politically incorrect.  But if we do not acknowledge sin in our world, then people forget that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and we don't understand why we need Jesus to be our Savior.  Ignoring sin truly is a disservice, for it gives people false confidence that they're doing okay, that they're really a good person who messes up here or there.  But this isn't what the Bible teaches; the Bible teaches that we've sinned to the point that we literally killed God;  that is the reality of who we are.  And God, in His great mercy, sent His Son to save us by dying in our place on the cross that we may repent and have life again. that through His Spirit we are able to once again live holy lives.

1 John teaches that false teaching is easily accepted, while godly teaching isn't.  People don't like to be confronted about their sin, so standing up for our Christian beliefs is going to bring us under fire.  LORD, please give us the courage to stand for Your truth.

Lessons from 1st John: Love

While reading through 1st John 3 yesterday, I was convicted about what love truly means.  As 1 Corinthians 13 says, love is not self-seeking.

As I've struggled to know how to love a particular person in my life, I thought I was doing pretty well in this area.  I wasn't acting manipulatively that she may give me something or do something for me.  However, I realized I had a secret agenda; there is a behavior in her life that I don't agree with, and I was loving her in hopes that my love would cause her to change her behavior.  That's self-seeking.

God's love isn't forceful; rather, it is compelling.  God doesn't command us to turn from our sinful ways in order to receive our love, but we change in response to God's love for us.  Overwhelm by His great love for us, by the reality that while we still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8), we give up our selfish desires that we may live for Him.

Papa, please teach me to love as You do.  Teach me to love selfishly.  Teach me to see those around me as You do that I may love like You.  Teach me to offer a love that is so overwhelming and accepting that it is transforming.  Teach me to love as You do.

Hardest Race Yet

Saturday I ran the hardest race of my life.  No, it wasn't the distance; in fact it was shorter than my short runs.  The difficulty lay in my attitude.

In the beginning of August, I signed up for another half marathon.  I was stoked, and began training hard core.  And then school started, and my schedule began backed; I was getting up at 4:30 in order to balance training, school, work, and relationship responsibilities.  Needless to say, I was tired most of the time.  When I began getting sick, I realized I was repeated what I'd done last year.  Not wanting to be ridiculously sick for 2 months again, I decided not to do the half.  This was a hard decision, especially since it couldn't be refunded.  When I learned that they offered a 5k as well, I decided to switch to that, knowing it'd be an easy race for me even if I didn't train (which I didn't).

I didn't think much about the race until I went to pick up my packet Friday.  As I stood in line for the 5k information, I starred longingly at the half line, wishing I were in that one instead.  Shame, discouragement, and guilt all hit.  Walking away from the booth, I fought back tears as thoughts flooded my mind: I felt like I'd failed, felt like I could have made it work it I really had tried; after all, I'd gotten to 11 miles before school had started.  I felt foolish for running such an easy distance.  I couldn't get excited about the race; it wasn't a fun run or for a cause I was directly connected to like other 5's I've done.  I felt disappointed that I couldn't do the half, felt like running the 5k was pointless.  Yeah, to say my attitude was bad is an understatement.

This morning it was worse.  When my fiance picked me up for the race, I tried to put on a good face, tried to convince myself that I was excited about it.  And when that didn't work...

  When I left my finance for the starting line, I again fought tears.  The first 2 miles were miserable thanks to my attitude.  I was angry and bitter and myself and other runners, quietly judging them in my head for being inferior to the halfers, then judging myself for not being able to keep up with them.  It took me 2 miles of frustration, anger, and watery eyes to try to put my thoughts elsewhere.  I tried singing, a normal running routine for me, which helped get my mind off of myself and onto God where it belongs.  At about 2.5 miles, I began to pray about it.  In my head, I knew I'd done the right thing, but in my heart I wasn't feeling it.

Here's what makes it hard: the reason that I decided to do the shorter race was because I knew it'd be healthier for me over all; there will be other halfs (and fulls!) when I'm done with school; more important than racing, I needed to take care of myself, God's baby, and the things that He's entrusted to me during this season of life.    I KNOW that, but the stubborn/perfectionist in me wants to say screw it, I can take on the world!   Basically,  I had to do the hard thing of saying no.  Yeah, that's way more challenging than running miles upon miles.  But I did it!  And I'm trying to be proud of that, trying to realize that that's really what matters right now. Trying being the key word there.  Baby steps.  =)

To God be the glory, now and forever.

Hell and other fine things

Hell is not a popular concept among... well... anyone really.  We like to deny the existence of Hell, like to make it out to be not as bad as it truly is.  We justify that we're really not that bad, that a loving God won't really punish people eternally for temporary sins.  We've deceived ourselves to believe that at our core we're good people who mess up every once in a while.

The truth is we are an awful brute.  In fact, we have gone so far as to kill God, to crucify Him on a Roman cross.

In reality, we shouldn't focus on the injustice of Hell but the injustice of grace; we should praise God for not giving us what we deserve.  Once we're truly understand the weight and depth of our sinfulness, we're able to understand the incredible gift that He's given us in Christ Jesus.  In response to this gift, we can't help but do good works, showing others the grace of God.

Yup, someone's been paying attention in theology class.  Kudos to Dr. Wittmer for the inspiration for the above.