Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours

This has been my prayer lately. LORD, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Open my eyes to the opportunities that surround me, the opportunities that You've given me to speak your truth and love. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.

As I prepared for our presentation in chapel this morning, this was my prayer. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. I prayed that God would use me. That He would speak through me, that people would see and hear not me, but Him. I asked for words. I asked Him to help me make my peers understand the heartbreak of our world, of my babies in South Africa, of our God. The 30 seconds that I was given didn't do justice. The words that I had come up with simply weren't enough.

I should have learned by now that I should be careful what I ask God for, for He is a God who answers prayers. As I began to tell my story, tears filled my eyes; my mind couldn't help but venture to my babies. About 15 seconds in, I lost it. In front of my peers, my professors, and prospective students, I began to cry. I struggled to finished my tale then passed the mic, thoroughly embarrassed yet unable to contain my tears; my heart simply ached for these precious little ones. How I long to be with them!

After what seemed like an eternity, chapel was finished. My classmates were allowed to venture outside where they were met with hundreds of stories of orphans hung on clothesline all around campus. Meanwhile, I mulled in my humility. I don't like to cry in front of my closest friends, let alone a large portion of my school. After being comforted by a friend, God gently reminded me that this was what I had asked for. I had asked Him to speak in a way that would display His heart for these little ones, His heart for Francis. This is exactly what He had done.

Several conversations confirmed that I had nothing to be embarrassed about. Over and over I was told how my testimony touched hearts. Still, I felt silly.

It was until a few hours later than I realized how God had answered another part of my prayer. As my classmates sung around me, I prayed that God would shine through me, that this would be completely of Him and for Him. Again, gently He whispered, "Sharon, stop fretting about what people think of you. Stop worrying that they're going to perceive you as a chunkaboly. Remember: this isn't about you. It's about me. My truth was shown. My love for My children was shown.

I wish I could tell you that this has taken away all of the embarrassment. I'm still working on that. In the end though, God is good. His love and truth were shown, and that's all that really matters.

Chapel reinforced how much I miss my kiddos. I cried because I so want to be with them, so want to love them, so want to tell them the truth of who they are in Christ. The more that I pray for God to break my heart for what breaks His, the more that He does. And the harder it is to be here. I know that this is where God wants me; He's confirmed it over and over. But it's so hard being here as my heart breaks for my babies. Even harder is the fact that my life isn't completely consumed by service right now. Sure, I'm serving, but there's lovely school and such in there as well. I see the value of where God has me and trust His plan for having me here now, but it's hard.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

If you want to see the One life video that we watched, click here.
For a video of our presentation, click here.
And for more about the Lives on the Line campaign, click here.

ACTs week!

This coming week has been dubbed ACT:s week. ACT:s is "a network of students committed to exploring what our faith says about poverty and injustice, using creative activism to bring issues to life and change hearts, and using our voices to advocate with our government leaders."

This week, CU's branch is promoting ACT:s through several events, including Orange T-shirt campaign, Lives on the Line, and One Life presentation in chapel on Friday. All of these events pertain to orphans.

For the Orange T-shirt campaign, we are selling t-shirts that say "Orphan" to spread awareness about the number of orphans around the world. We are selling them over the next week and a half and are asking students to wear them on December 1st, World AIDS day.

Lives on the Line includes stringing clothesline around campus and hanging different stories of orphans from around the world. During chapel on Friday, students will be invited to take a name card and pray for the child whose story is represented. Story cards featuring country profiles and stories of 10 different people affected by HIV and AIDS are hung from clothesline in a highly trafficked area of your campus. Students are invited to read the story cards, pick up one to keep throughout the day and respond through giving and advocacy.

In chapel on Friday, we will show a clip that will make students aware of the need in our world as well what they can do about it. The chapel will focus on how, while the overall problem may seem overwhelming, we have the power to change just one life.

We'll also be informing students of Advent Conspiracy. Advent Conspiracy is an international movement restoring the scandal of Christmas by substituting compassion for consumption. Essentially, it takes away the gift/money/stuff focus on Christmas in exchange for the community/love/worship focus. We're encouraging our classmates to give up the material demands of the holiday season for something deeper. For more information, click here.

Please pray for these events over the next few weeks. Pray that everything will come together. Pray that students will be open to our message and that hearts will be changed. Pray the eyes are opened to the needs of our world and a burning passion to do something is created. Pray that God breaks our hearts for what breaks His and gives us the wisdom to do something about our hurting world. Please pray especially as I speak on Friday. Pray that God gives me words to accurately express what He's been up to in my life. Pray that I'm able to stick to my time limit. tehe. Mostly, pray that hearts will be changed, both on campus and throughout the world because of the events of this week.

May God bless you throughout this week!

I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!

This is the thought that's been going through my mind lately. I don't want to be here. It's become a daily struggle of reminding myself why I'm here, reminding myself of the privilege of education, of how hard I've worked to get here. Most importantly, reminding myself that this is where God wants me right now, remembering that I need to trust Him and His plan over my own. Let me tell you, we serve a spectacular God.

Yesterday was particularly difficult. I was overwhelmed with missing Africa and wishing that I was there again. The day held constant reminders of what I'd been missing. Random comments in class. Reagan called me, and simply hearing his voice brought me to tears. I miss him and his family so much. The focus of our ACTs meeting (a student organization on group geared toward social justice) was on orphans. This cut deep. I couldn't help but think back to my babies in SA. How I miss them! How I want to be with them! As we walked to the library to work on an upcoming event, a friend asked how I was doing. I simply shrugged at her. When she asked what was wrong, I told her that I don't want to be here. She seemed to understand what I meant.

As we worked on our project, another girl in our group asked me a question about missions. Basically, she asked me if I thought that she should go on both the Haiti and South Africa missions trips. She figured since I had been to both places, I would be the best person to ask. I told her that I couldn't answer her question and, though it's horribly cliche, she needed to pray about it, asking for God's direction. When she told me that she'd been doing this, I asked her what God had been telling her. She told me that He had told her to go. I told her that that was her answer. I also asked her what was making her question whether to go or not. She admitted that part of the issue was money, though she knew that God could provide that. The other part was being afraid that she couldn't handle all of the heartbreak. I told her that she was going to see a ton of heartbreak in both places. I admitted to her that my heart broke daily for my babies in Africa. But allowing my heart to break for the things that break God's heart has lead me to joy, lend me to a compassion that I never knew I was capable of.

I realized two things last night. One, God has grown me a ton! There's no way that those were my words coming out of my mouth. God gave me words. Two, God answered why I'm here. He proved to me that He has a reason for having me here right now, that He's using me even here. He's using me to speak truth into the lives of my peers. He's using me to testify His power and mercy and grace and love and incredibleness! Earlier in our ACTs meeting, the leader of our group suggested that someone who had been to Africa speak at our event in chapel next Friday. Instantly, all eyes (seemingly at least) turned to me. But here's the crazy part. For the past few weeks I've been emailing people left and right trying to get an opportunity to speak in chapel. And here God has laid it in my lap! God is so good! Now I'm left to figure out how to condence six months of stories into a 30 second period. Tehe.

So even though I still don't really want to be here, I can see why God has me here. Constantly He amazes and surprises me. Our God is so good! Constantly He answers my prayers. Constantly He's using me. My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty; there's nothing my God cannot do! So, even though I don't want to be here, I'm trusting God's plan in having me here.

Praise the LORD!:
~For answered prayer
~For using me
~For the opportunity to speak in chapel
~For the opportunity to testify to what He's done in my life
~For His Truth
~For His patience
~For His comfort
~For His provision
~For His mercy, favor, and grace
~For growing me
~For hope
~For sunshine
~For the opportunity to get an education
~For dear friends
~For His patience
~For His faithfulness
~For His wisdom
~For His plan

Please pray:
~For the SA team from CU. We're a bit behind due to some technology problems. Pray that these will be resolved and we'll be able to begin meeting ASAP
~For Cynergy. Pray that God will overwhelm it and all that it touches with His mercy, favor, and grace. Pray that He will lead and guide their every step.
~For words as I speak in chapel next Friday. Pray that God once again speaks through me. I can't do this without Him.
~For wisdom as I continue to wrestle with being here when I so desire to be there.
~That God would continue to open my eyes to the opportunities that surround me.
~For strength over the next few weeks.
~That in all I do, I bring glory to His name.