This has been my prayer lately. LORD, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Open my eyes to the opportunities that surround me, the opportunities that You've given me to speak your truth and love. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.
As I prepared for our presentation in chapel this morning, this was my prayer. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. I prayed that God would use me. That He would speak through me, that people would see and hear not me, but Him. I asked for words. I asked Him to help me make my peers understand the heartbreak of our world, of my babies in South Africa, of our God. The 30 seconds that I was given didn't do justice. The words that I had come up with simply weren't enough.
I should have learned by now that I should be careful what I ask God for, for He is a God who answers prayers. As I began to tell my story, tears filled my eyes; my mind couldn't help but venture to my babies. About 15 seconds in, I lost it. In front of my peers, my professors, and prospective students, I began to cry. I struggled to finished my tale then passed the mic, thoroughly embarrassed yet unable to contain my tears; my heart simply ached for these precious little ones. How I long to be with them!
After what seemed like an eternity, chapel was finished. My classmates were allowed to venture outside where they were met with hundreds of stories of orphans hung on clothesline all around campus. Meanwhile, I mulled in my humility. I don't like to cry in front of my closest friends, let alone a large portion of my school. After being comforted by a friend, God gently reminded me that this was what I had asked for. I had asked Him to speak in a way that would display His heart for these little ones, His heart for Francis. This is exactly what He had done.
Several conversations confirmed that I had nothing to be embarrassed about. Over and over I was told how my testimony touched hearts. Still, I felt silly.
It was until a few hours later than I realized how God had answered another part of my prayer. As my classmates sung around me, I prayed that God would shine through me, that this would be completely of Him and for Him. Again, gently He whispered, "Sharon, stop fretting about what people think of you. Stop worrying that they're going to perceive you as a chunkaboly. Remember: this isn't about you. It's about me. My truth was shown. My love for My children was shown.
I wish I could tell you that this has taken away all of the embarrassment. I'm still working on that. In the end though, God is good. His love and truth were shown, and that's all that really matters.
Chapel reinforced how much I miss my kiddos. I cried because I so want to be with them, so want to love them, so want to tell them the truth of who they are in Christ. The more that I pray for God to break my heart for what breaks His, the more that He does. And the harder it is to be here. I know that this is where God wants me; He's confirmed it over and over. But it's so hard being here as my heart breaks for my babies. Even harder is the fact that my life isn't completely consumed by service right now. Sure, I'm serving, but there's lovely school and such in there as well. I see the value of where God has me and trust His plan for having me here now, but it's hard.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
If you want to see the One life video that we watched, click here.
For a video of our presentation, click here.
And for more about the Lives on the Line campaign, click here.
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