My Future in Christ is Clear

It's been awhile since my last post not because I've had nothing on my mind but because I've had too much on my mind.  God's been teaching me at the speed of light, I'm I'm simply trying to keep up.

Though I can't tell you exactly how it happened, somehow I've fallen.  I've fallen into the trappings of this world.  This semester has consumed me with searches for the securities of this world, security in my appearance, in friendships, in family, in finances, in achievements, in plans.  I've become trapped by the things that world calls important and, in the process, lost sight of God's truth. 
As a senior in college, people keep asking me what I have next.  Quickly I'm discovering that I'm no longer a child but an adult and am quickly gaining the resposibilities of being an adult.  This is evidenced in what were my future plans.  As I considere my next steps, I was quick to jump on the idea of going on to grad school to open up more vocational possibilities in the future.  My plan was quite secure; I'd move back home for a year or two, get my MSW at the school that my mother works at (because it'll be cheapest), then make a plan from there.  This last week, God's really shaken this plan.  Not that it in itself is bad, but it's not a plan that I've prayed over or surrendered to Him.  It's a plan that I've chosen because it was safe and relatively easy.  Now God's challenging me to yet again surrender my plans to Him, to give up the "certainty" of this world to rest safely in His arms.

Yesterday while having breakfast with my brother, the topic of my future came up again.  When he asked of my future plans, I again mentioned grad schools then working with an organization overseas somewhere, hopefully in Africa with kids.  :-)  Though I've loved working with missions organizations in the past, I hoped to work with a somewhat different kind of NPO.  Why?  Basically, money.  Though my mission's experiences have been incredible and faith-growing, I cringe at the thought of having to fundraise for my basic needs for the rest of my life.  Translation:  I want the security of a weekly pay check rather than trusting that God will provide my daily bread.  Hmm.  Not ok.

Another doubt that jumps to my mind when considering the reality of moving overseas long term (not just 6 months but life long) is the fear of being alone.  As soon as this thought pops into my mind, God reminds me that He will never leave or foresake me.  "Yes LORD, I know You're there.  But I want someone in flesh and blood as well."  Translation:  God, You're not enough.  Yikes!  NOT ok.

So who am I really putting my trust in: God or myself?  Who am I truly relying on.  Hmm.  That would be me.  No wonder I'm tired.  No wonder I'm stressing out.  No wonder I'm overwhelmed.  I've taken my eyes off of Christ and focused on me alone.  But here's the thing:  I have no idea what the future holds.  I have no idea what's going to happen in 20 seconds let alone 20 years.  But God does.  God knows.  Unlike me, He isn't bound by time.  So why do I worry?  Why do I freak out?  My future in Christ is clear.

LORD, forgive me for my selfishness.  Forgive me for being self-absorbed.  Forgive me for trusting in what is temporary and seen rather than what is eternal and unseen.  You are God of all.  Nothing is impossible for You.  You are my only hope.  You've got this, LORD.  You hold me safely in Your arms.  Teach me to rest in You, Papa.  Teach me to trust You with my life.  You've got every detail, Papa.  Nothing happens outside of Your control.  In You alone I place my trust.  You are all I need.