Christianity with a side of shame

 

An attempt to weed through my thoughts sparked by conversations throughout this week....

My church has been going through a series entitled Weird; the premise is basically how can we choose the narrow path and be God-weird in a world where normal is broken.

In my small group afterward, we got on the topic of the great facade of many church-goers today (ourselves included).  We go to church dressed to the nines with our shoes shined to a brightness that can only be matched by the gleaming of our pasted on smiles despite the yelling match that climaxed as we pulled into the church drive but will need to wait until after the service to conclude; after all, good Christians don't yell and fight and throw tantrums.  No, no!  Good, Christians have it all together; they don't struggle with sins or wrongdoings any more.  The Bible even says so in... what was that verse again?

At least, that's the front that we often put on as we walk through those double doors of God's house.  And the newcomer, not wanting to standout, not wanting to be the only one struggling, shines up his shoes and smiles a bit and joins in the show.

One woman in my small group called out the members of our church, asking how people who pledged to help her raise her sons could do so while interacting with her family at such a shallow level.  A man in the group piped in, "Frankly, I wouldn't want that transparency.  The reason that I left my old church was because I was honest there and all that greeted my honesty was judgment.  I don't want to be judged!"

"Yeah, but if we were all really honest, they'd be no room for judgment.  We're all messed up!"

And it's true.  We are all messed up.  Why is it that at church of all places we feel the need to pretend? It's that space reserved for us to be honest with God and our brothers and sisters in Christ? I was amazed by a later encounter with friends of a friend who were extremely open about parts of their lives that could be seen as questionable; though worldly, they felt no shame.

I understand the conviction of the Holy Spirit and how non-Christians don't experience that.  Still, why has the church often become a place of shame?  Why is it that it's often there that people most fear the impression that they're making on others instead of how God sees their true state?  

I think satan knows what he's doing here: rid God's love from His truth until the truth becomes a vicious hammer of judgment and fear, knocking down anyone who actually is truthful.  It's ironic that in fear of not living up to God's laws perfectly, we further bury ourselves in sin as we take on coats of deception; in seeking to appear truthful, we become more deceptive.

Further, satan knows that there's power in disrupting the community of God's people.  God intended us for relationship, real, deep, nitty-gritty relationship, relationship of support and accountability and truth-sharing and building up and love and hope and joy and peace and rest and strength.  Yeah this game of pretend has wreaked havoc on the body of Christ; the eye, viewing something it should not, remembers the shame of it's last slip up and thus offers a socially acceptable response to the foot.  The foot, venturing where it shouldn't, recalls that being a Christian should equal perfection, and thus hides away his misstep.  And instead of working together, the body becomes blind to the reality of the other parts and thus becomes dysfunctional.

Instead of places of accountability, churches have become havens of shame.  We've forgotten the grace of God, forgotten our need for Him to perfect us in our finiteness.  Somewhere along the line the message of grace and acceptance has become a message of shame.  It's no wonder people leave churches in search of acceptance!

And not only is this facade affecting our fellowship with fellow believers, it also hurts our witness to those outside the family of Christ.  By appearing perfect, we become untouchable, unrelatable,   unobtainable, and often judgmental.  As Christians, we ARE called to live a life set apart for God and apart from the world.  So how do we pursue holiness while also remaining relatable and genuine to non-Christians? How do we live in the world but not be of the world?  How do we repent of a lifestyle of hiding and embark on the honest journey of who we are in Christ, including our need for Christ's grace?