Blessed

It seems fairly obvious that I'm in a state of blessing right now.  In the past two months, God has given us a house beyond our dreams, allowed me to graduate with honors, let me marry the man who far exceeds my wildest dreams, provided us with our first dog, surrounded us with great and supportive friends and family, and given us endless opportunities for the future.  Life couldn't be better, right?

And yet I find myself anxious, find myself freaking out.  Why?  Because God's plans are not my plans.  Three years ago when I started seminary, I went in with the intent of studying counseling but not becoming an official counselor.  I planned to spend my last semester interning somewhere in Africa with the intentions to stay there indefinitely.  I had no plans for a husband or dog or to settle in West Michigan for a few more years. My plans didn't happen.  In the most beautiful way, God messed up my plans for something better: for His plans.

And though I'm blinded by His goodness and the perfection of Jehovah Jireh's plan, I worry.  I worry because I realize I'm not in control.  I'm not the one's calling the shots.  I can't say that I surrender my everything to God while also trying to be self-sufficient.  It simply doesn't work that way.  So I'm praying that God will soften my heart, that He will empower me to truly surrender my whole self to Him.  I pray that God will fill me with the perfect peace that comes from Him alone.  I praise Him for holding my past and my future and pray that He would continue to draw me closer to Him.  I praise Him for the plans that He has for me, praise Him for knowing me better than I know myself, praise Him for knowing my heart and exactly what I see.  I'm praying that He'd show me how to trade my worry for perfect peace in Him.  God alone is my strength and future.  In Him alone I place my trust.  To God be the glory now and forever!