And yet I find myself anxious, find myself freaking out. Why? Because God's plans are not my plans. Three years ago when I started seminary, I went in with the intent of studying counseling but not becoming an official counselor. I planned to spend my last semester interning somewhere in Africa with the intentions to stay there indefinitely. I had no plans for a husband or dog or to settle in West Michigan for a few more years. My plans didn't happen. In the most beautiful way, God messed up my plans for something better: for His plans.
And though I'm blinded by His goodness and the perfection of Jehovah Jireh's plan, I worry. I worry because I realize I'm not in control. I'm not the one's calling the shots. I can't say that I surrender my everything to God while also trying to be self-sufficient. It simply doesn't work that way. So I'm praying that God will soften my heart, that He will empower me to truly surrender my whole self to Him. I pray that God will fill me with the perfect peace that comes from Him alone. I praise Him for holding my past and my future and pray that He would continue to draw me closer to Him. I praise Him for the plans that He has for me, praise Him for knowing me better than I know myself, praise Him for knowing my heart and exactly what I see. I'm praying that He'd show me how to trade my worry for perfect peace in Him. God alone is my strength and future. In Him alone I place my trust. To God be the glory now and forever!