To live is Christ and to die is gain

While packing and preparing for our move this past weekend, I sorted through my things, deciding what would make the move with me, what would be given away, and what would be discarded.  In this process, I sorted through a bunch of papers from my undergrad career.  In this bunch, I came across a paper that I'd written right after I returned from South Africa; the topic of the paper was death.

As I read through its words, I concluded that I could not have been the author; the words seemed foreign to me, seemed to be written by one with much greater faith than I could ever possess.  The pages were filled with thoughts of dying young, of following Christ even when it requires my very life, of obedience to the death.  The paragraphs shone with thoughts of longing for death for death brings me closer to my Jesus.  Sentences rejecting the idea of life support, of medical interventions that would keep me from my Savior.

I was challenged by my own words.  Fresh from the mission field, I had a hunger for and faith in God that was unquenchable.  A hunger and faith that I long for now.  I long for that focus again, long to be rid of the daily distractions that keep my eyes from my God.  And convicted, too, for that focus, faith, and hunger are not bound to missionaries or those overseas; God calls all of His children to commune with Him.

Papa, forgive me for my distractions.  Forgive me for losing sight of what's truly important.  Forgive me for placing the temporary over the eternal.  Forgive me for not trusting Your plans over my own.  Forgive me for leaning on my own understanding.  Be my everything, LORD.  Baptize my mind.  Consume my heart.  Be my sole (and soul) desire.  You are God alone.  You are mighty to save.  LORD, lead and guide me for Your name sake.  May Your will be done and may You be glorified in my life.

I eagerly expectand hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. ²¹ For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. ²² If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! ²³ I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; ²⁴ but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. ²⁵ Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, ²⁶ so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.  Philippians 1:20-26